WHY DOES CUTTING OFF ALL OF YOUR HAIR FEEL SO DAMN GOOD?

why does cutting off all of your hair feel so damn good? speaking from personal experience, i just recently took off 12 inches. the last time i had short hair was when i was a kid. my brother was blowing bubbles and accidentally spit his gum into my hair, so my dad cut it out and cut it (my hair) off. my dad, Bob, coincidentally was responsible for giving me my first “bob“! isn’t that cute?

everyone has their reasons for why they’re making the drastic cut; reeling from heartbreak, feeling misunderstood, protecting your family’s honor and saving your country. for me it was a fresh start. for some time now i had been in an unhealthy headspace. i was feeling lost, frustrated and uninspired which prevented me from wanting to go out or even confiding in anyone who tried to reach out (sorry Mom). i was not myself, my ego was fragile and my self-esteem bruised. when i thought i was starting to feel “okay” again, i had a meltdown. it happens to the best of us, right? some experience it in the privacy of their own home and some (me) experience it in the middle of a live show while at work… someone had made me feel small and that was enough to derail any sense of composure or rationality, so i cried wept. this person didn’t even KNOW me and they managed to make me feel smaller than i know myself to be.

all my insecurities were re-awakened. in the most random (and inconvenient) times, i would think about this person who made me feel small and it would make me tear up in anger. i was angry at this person for making me feel this way and angry at myself for allowing them to do so… so i sulked and i sulked HARD. i’d sit in my room feeling sorry for myself and do nothing about it. it’s hard to pull yourself out of that headspace when you aren’t fully aware that you’re in it (ain’t hindsight a bitch?!). this person probably didn’t spend another moment thinking about me (dick) but i couldn’t stop thinking about them- which speaks volumes to what i was really struggling with *cough– letting go -cough cough*. i recognized this and was done wasting my energy on this person, i was “letting it go“. with this new found freedom, i wanted a change, so i booked the next hair appointment i could get and said BUH-BYE to the previous drama that was weighing me down.

i wish it didn’t sound so cliché to say how good it feels to cut off all of your hair but DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO CUT OFF ALL OF YOUR HAIR! a fresh start and a fresh state of mind. a haircut won’t fix all of your problems but it can be a good place to start!

SELF LOVE

a couple of weeks ago i went to get my haircut. i had arrived early to my appointment so i sat in the lobby waiting patiently when a mother and daughter walked in. the daughter was maybe 12 or 13 years old and i thought oh how i remember those days. Getting my hair cut but needing my mom there for support because “what if it turns out ugly? what if i hate it? and how much am i supposed to tip?”. they sat down across from me. shortly after, their hairdresser came out to greet them but before she could even finish saying “good morning” the mother had began pointing out what needed to be done during this appointment; “she needs to have some color added to brighten her up, don’t ya think? make her not so frumpy?” “she can’t have bangs because her face is too wide” “maybe let’s keep her hair long so it’s still pretty”.

i was in shock, i couldn’t even imagine how this girl felt at that moment. i try to look at her face, but her eyes are glued to the floor. I’m staring at her for what feels like a solid 10 minutes but i needed her to make eye contact with me. i needed her to see that i was there for her…with her. that i thought she was beautiful just as she was. i can sense that my staring was becoming uncomfortable and maybe a little intrusive but off they went, to begin the makeover. i felt defeated. it’s not any of my business, i shouldn’t care but i did. i wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone, we’ve all been there. we’ve all experienced a blow to our self esteem, the confusion about your self worth, but i wanted her to know that it doesn’t last.

i’m overcome with my thoughts and emotions (don’t cry in public, don’t cry in public, don’t cry in public). i think of my childhood, my insecurities, my own experiences with my self esteem. i can’t remember when my confidence began to fade, but i remember when someone had pointed out to me that it had. it was at a thanksgiving dinner back when i was in high school. a family member said to me, “you used to be so sassy, you didn’t care what anybody thought- you said whatever you wanted because you were MACKENZIE!”… i lingered on the “used to be” part of that statement. was i not this way anymore?? if i wasn’t, then what was i? i felt like i had a grasp on who i was (kind of)… but i knew deep down that part of what they said was true. i wasn’t that same girl anymore, i cared what people thought of me but what i didn’t care about was what i thought of myself. i didn’t think it mattered. no one in my family exercised self love. i don’t think any of us really understood it or knew how important it was. we could see all the great qualities in each other but none of us could see it in ourselves. what i couldn’t understand back then was how loving myself, embracing my quirks and owning my flaws would open up my whole world. i don’t need anyone else’s opinion to validate who i am, at least i don’t anymore. it wasn’t until my senior year of high school that i really started to figure out who i was (i’m a late bloomer). i had quit pep squad and began to focus my attention elsewhere… photography. i had taken my first class during my junior year and continued through to my freshman year of college. i found a whole knew confidence in creativity. i felt like i could finally see what i should have seen in myself a long time ago. i am creative. sensitive. funny. and strong.

self love is so important, it’s the foundation of you. there will be people who will try to knock it down, but you must protect it. remind yourself of who you are and love yourself for who you are; a lover, an aries, a creator, a sister.

happy valentines day to you. xx